Your face is a jimmy john
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
