Taylor Swift is so right about you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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