i just wanna soil my oats bro
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
