You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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