I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
