What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
