i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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