she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ttyl tear gas
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
