For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
