He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
