Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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