i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
