Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
