Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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