It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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