Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
