I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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