I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
