I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize