who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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