wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
