when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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