i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
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I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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