Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
