dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
