i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
