haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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