absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
