Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
