Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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