Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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