I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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