You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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