i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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