My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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