Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
