i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
