u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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