So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
