Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
