do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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