Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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