no, he came in my armpit
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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