Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
