I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He better not be in your backpack
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
