I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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