this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
