Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
