Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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