Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
