Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
