I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
