I wannas sexs uuuuu
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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