Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
