I wish my penis had an off switch
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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