just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
