Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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