How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
