If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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