guys are not supposed to queef...right?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
