The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
