I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
