There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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