you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
