Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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