at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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