I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
