I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
