Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Randomize
