I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
