He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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