The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
