There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize