He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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