Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's blow job season.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
