i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
