She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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